To make someone your bitch means to assert dominance over them. I would not be good on either side of that dynamic – dominatrix or dominated – not for me.
Recently the New Mexico Department of Game and Fish ran an ad for professional bear huggers. The job requires hiking in wilderness areas, finding caves and crawling into them to see if there are bears, hugging the bears.
So naturally, I thought of my ex-husband. He wants to retire from his Southern California stressful COO job and he loves New Mexico.
This is funnier if you know – he never walks out the door unless he looks like he just did a photo shoot for GQ. And his two closets are full of Lord and Taylor clothes that smell like Grey Flannel cologne mixed with dry cleaner
I started a text thread to him and my daughters with the job ad.
Marty: I only hug female bears.
Me: Unfortunately I don’t think they are that specialized yet. You’d have to hug both sexes. Not the job for you. Sorry I got your hopes up.
Marty: It’s ok. I can be a gender neutral bear hugger.
Anyway –this provided several texts throughout the day and many laughs.
Another source of amusement for me on a 3 or 4 times weekly basis is Arghink.com. Jennifer Crusie’s blog has a community of commenters that have been with her forever. As a Crusie fangirl / stalker I'm part of that community.
Where the fun comes in is – Jenny throws out a subject and people respond to it but they also go completely off topic. Crusie novels are romance genre so her commenters are romance readers and writers.
One 'Good Book Thursday' post, in which everyone is supposed to talk about what they are reading, took a turn into familiar Arghink territory – sex scenes.
A frequent commenter brought up alien sex scenes involving tentacles.
You read that right. Tentacles. Apparently it’s a thing. Not my thing but to each her own.
Their comments were hilarious. Especially when they started discussing what orifices the tentacles would go in.
Who needs television?
I could give you many more instances of how I’ve made fun my bitch but you might get the wrong (or right) idea that my brain functions differently than the average bear who needs a hug.