Saturday, April 29, 2023


 So...I fell in love this week. Not in love like romantic love. In love like there is someone out there who can make me laugh even through a bad time and for that I adore him.

His name is Ismo. He's from Finland. And I would want to go to Finland but he isn't there anymore. He is married and living in the USA.

You can find him on youtube and I suggest you do but make sure you are somewhere where you can laugh without inhibition and not be humiliated because you're going to - laugh without inhibition, I mean.

Recently right before I discovered Ismo, I experienced a couple of weeks of sadness & crying that generally follow something new coming to light regarding the sexual abuse I experienced when I was young. 60 years ago. And still there are things I have buried, apparently. 

It happens periodically. The last time I had an experience like this was more than 5 years ago. And I thought, this will be the last time. There can't be anything else hidden. 


There was something else hidden. And this time, I'm not even going to say that must be all there is. Because it might not be.

For me, the physical part was nothing. It's everything else that festers below the surface until it erupts like my own little volcano.

It's not my favorite thing to experience - that volcano erupting. 

My favorite experience is laughing.

And Ismo makes me laugh. If I had more freedom - I would treat him like people used to treat the Grateful Dead.

There were Deadheads. Now there could be at least one Ismo-ite.

He'd schedule a show. I'd camp in the parking lot of the venue. I wouldn't smoke pot, though. I'd drink a martini while I waited for show to start.

Then I'd go to the show & laugh & laugh & laugh!

Thank you Ismo!!!

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